change....

i have been putting this off for a while because i feel like i have so much i want to say and don't have all the words to say it.

i am sitting right now in my empty living room that i moved my bed into so that i could pack a little easier. i look around at the walls and think of the memories i have made here in this little apartment and the changes i have under gone since moving to this town. the person i was when i came to Boone 4 years ago is a far cry from the person i am today. when i moved here i was a kid trying everything i could to get my life back on track and get away from a small town that i felt was sucking me in. today i am a woman and even though i am no where close to having it all together i am on a good path. i see God in all of it. from making my living situation back home not work out to having someone break my heart which gave me that extra push to move away. he knew i would be here today and i am so thankful he broke my heart, in so many ways, back then.

i think about what it was like when i first came here to Boone. i moved on a whim after getting accepted 4 days before school started. moving in with my sister and feeling like i was never going to be able to form a life here. the first semester i was here i was miserable. i thought i would stick it out for the year and then transfer somewhere so that i could live at home and near my old friends and go on with the life i had left behind. i cannot express how glad i am that i didn't make that choice. the real turning point for me and my new life here in Boone was when my sister gave me a surprise 21st birthday party the second semester i lived here. i walked in the door and saw so many people that cared about me and began to see that i was making a life here even though i didn't realize it. that day changed the course of the rest of my time here.

each person i have met here in Boone has made me grow in some way. from the people who have become so important to me that i would never want to live without them to a interesting little guy named Matthew that i just met last week who already tells me he loves me and kisses me on the head when i see him out even though i have given him no reason to do either (he is a little bit of a kook). :) this place and the people here have helped to shape me into the woman i am today. i have learned to accept people for who they are and where they are. i have had to look in myself and really think about how i feel about issues like homosexuality and gay rights. things that i would have never had to face had i stayed in a small town. things that i am glad i had to think about because they effected someone i have come to love so much. i am learning to accept myself for who i am and the faults i have. i have learned that i have a LONG way to go.

i have so many things i want to say about the life that i am leaving behind here and the new one i am beginning. so many emotions i want to express but i don't have to words right now. in 2 weeks i will be leaving this crazy little town for good. i will be taking the last of the things i own and putting them in the back of my yellow bug and i will watch Boone fade into the background as i turn to a new life in a new city. i will never forget the things i felt in this place or the way it has changed me. if you had asked me 5 years ago if i thought i would end up in Boone i would have laughed in your face, but here i am. scared, excited, sad, nostalgic, anxious, did i say scared? feeling so many emotions about leaving and so many more about where i am going.